Tell me a joke dude

Tell me a joke dude has a collection of hilarious jokes which will make you laugh non-stop. Everyone from kids to adults cannot stop laughing whenever they hear some funny jokes. Such funny jokes are collected and presented here for you. I am sure you are going to laugh like anything. Laughing is such a great thing for human beings to get a lot of health benefits. It’s time for you to get into Tell me a joke dude.

“In my deepest parts of sadness, I’m always making a joke or being sarcastic”.

-Lea Thompson

Tell me a joke dude

Can you tell me a joke dude?

One lie can reduce your life by 5 minute.
One smile can increase your life by 10 minutes.
MORAL: Always lie while laughing.. you will gain 5 minute extra life..

Marriages are made in heaven… truly said… but
Maintenance charges has to be paid in earth..

A man lost his wife in Tsunami..
One drunk night: while standing on the seashore, waves touching on his feet..
He shouted to sea: ‘No matter’ how many times you waves, touch my feet….
I’ll never take her back…!! It is your mistake – Deal with it now!

He Meets an Accident with his new Mercedes.
Him while crying: Officer! See what happened with my luxury car!!
Police: You’re Such materialistic. You Even haven’t noticed that your right leg has been cut off.
He looks at his right leg and yells – Oh No My Nike shoes..

Guy: Will you be my girl? Girl: Excuse me! Him: Listen to me. I’m rich. She: Oh hi I’m Sara, 20 yrs old. Him: Hi Beauty, My name is Rich, 22 yrs old, single!!

Just had the following conversation in court.

Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You’re Not Guilty?
Me: Thanks, I’m outta here.

Cool, Tell me a joke dude of another kind

My doctor told me today I need to watch my drinking. I now drink in front of a mirror.

I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym,
“Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.

Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobyjack: It’s to hold my glasses!!!

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can’t, I live just round the corner!

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!

It’s time to tell me a joke dude of one of a kind

A boy speeding on road.
Guard stops him and ask, “Did you see the speed limit sign?”
The boy says, “Yea, I just didnt see you.”

Teacher: I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!!!! DO I HAVE TO SPELL EVERYTHING FOR YOU?!
Student: No I can spell EVERYTHING: E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.

Stacy: You know Tracy, sometimes I don’t understand life.
Tracy: What do you mean?
Stacy: When we were a younger, we learnt to talk and to walk. At school, we always have to sit down and shut up…

Wife: “What are you doing?”
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour.”
Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”

Tell me a joke

You have to tell me a joke dude of some kind

Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Very well , lets say I went to France and Mommy went to Japan which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan.

Q: What do you do when you throw a clock up in the air
A: Times up!

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back 
in 20 minutes. The woman asked, 
“Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”

It’s amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognize you.”

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