Tell me a joke Father

Laughter is the best medicine in the world that cures your mental diseases no matter how worst it is.  Laughing in even a critical situation will make you think better to bring out a solution. Here is the collection of funny jokes and short jokes that will make you laugh like anything. Have a look at Tell me a joke Father. Just get ready to burst out laughing!!

“A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.”

                                                                        – Friedrich Nietzsche

Tell me a joke Father

Can you tell me a joke Father?

My high school assignment 
was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served 
in the Philippines during the war, 
I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”

Your mom is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.”

A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands…

“Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!

Tell me a joke

Very hilarious, Now tell me a  joke of some other kind

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Michael: The good news.
Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.

Pessimist: “Things just can’t get any worse!”
Optimist: “Nah, of course they can!”

A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, “Why didn’t you get me a gift?” the husband says, “You haven’t used the one I got you last year!”

Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, “Mother, I’ve got a stomach ache.” “That’s because your stomach is empty,” the mother replied. “You would feel better if you had something in it.” That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, “That’s because it’s empty,” she said. “You’d feel better if you had something in it.”

Teacher: “Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?”
Student: “A heart attack.”

Tell me a joke Father of my style

Assistant: “Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?”
Boss: “Certainly not!”
Assistant: “Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding.”

Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

A man tells his wife, “Honey, your mom fell down the stairs 15 minutes ago.” The wife yells at him, “Why are you just telling me now?” He said, “Because I couldn’t stop laughing.”

A man called his child’s doctor, “Hello! My son just snatched my pen when I was writing and swallowed it. What should I do?” The doctor replied, “Until I can come over, write with another pen.”

Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter “m.”

A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

A mom texts, “Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?” He texts back, “I Don’t Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.” The mom texts him, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister, love you too”.

That’s enough, now tell me a joke Father of your style

An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, “Son, go get your mother!”.

Son: “Dad, when will I be old enough so I don’t have to ask mom for her permission to go out?”
Dad: “Son, even I haven’t grown old enough to go out without her permission!”

A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, “Darling, it’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric.” Harry replies, “How about a chair?”

It was a baby mosquito’s first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, “How was your journey?” The baby mosquito replied, “It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!”

Q: Why didn’t the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.

My five-year-old son is crazy about cars, so I took him to his 
first car show. He loved seeing all 
the different models and brands 
and gushed over the big engines, 
the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse. “Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!”

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