Tell me a Joke Uncle
Tell me a joke uncle has a lot of stuff to make you roll on the floor and laugh. Of course, in this technological era, we people have no time even to laugh at some funny things around us. Hence, this is the right platform for us to laugh and laugh until we are tired of it. Tell me a joke uncle will take you through hilarious jokes and short funny jokes that will make you laugh like anything.
“Most nobodies are somebodies and most somebodies are nobodies somewhere.
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Can you tell me a joke uncle?
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”
Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?”
Student: “My father’s check book!”
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?” and George said, “No,” and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
It’s time for you to tell me a joke uncle
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
Math Teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”
Student: “A drinking problem.”
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!” The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?'” The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”
Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Teacher: “What are you talking about?”
Student: “Yesterday you said it’s H to O!”
Brunette: “Where were you born?”
Blonde: “The United States.”
Brunette: “Which part?”
Blonde: “My whole body.”
Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world?
A: The library, because it has so many stories.
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Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: “You’re too young to smoke.”
At the doctor’s office, Tom was getting a check up. “I have good news and bad news,” says the doctor. “The good news is you have 24 hours left to live.” Tom replies, “That’s the good news?!” Then the doctor says, “The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday.”
A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.
Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands
Q: What stays in one corner but travels around the world?
A: A stamp.
If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Patient: “I get a terrible pain in my eye when I drink a cup of coffee.”
Doctor: “Try taking the spoon out.”
Q: If you were forced to go through one of the following doors, which door do you go through with 100 % certainty you’d stay alive: a door with a man with a gun behind it, a door with a tiger who hasn’t eaten in 7 years behind it, or a door with an electrical chair behind it?
A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn’t eaten in 7 years it’s dead.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.
Don’t break anybody’s heart; they only have 1. Break their bones; they have 206.
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