Funniest Jokes is appropriate to the joke to which we laugh at. Short jokes and hilarious jokes are given to making amusing jokes or gibe. It may also be arousing or provoking the laughter. At least once in a while, something is good for the physical and mental well-being of humans, so, one of the best solutions is laughing. Such a treatment should be achieved by these types of jokes. These Funniest Jokes which will make you forget your worries.
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My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
Station Master and a Lady Passenger:-
A lady was running to catch a train to Bangalore. She reached the station and was searching for the train.
Passenger: (Asked to the station master) Sir, is this my train?
Station Master: No Madam, this is not your train, it’s railways department’s train.
Passenger: (Annoyed) That’s a good joke. Don’t act too smart. What I meant was, can I take this train to Bangalore?
Station Master: No ma’am, you cannot! This train is so BIG and you can’t take it.
Passenger: Its really funny! Now say me, will this train take me to Bangalore?
Station Master: NO ma’am. The train can’t take you. The train driver will drive it to Bangalore!
The passenger fainted!
“I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”
“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‘Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.'”
“If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?”
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me
Police: Where do you all live?
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: If i tell you, you wont believe me.
Police: Tell me
Me: Next to my house
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for ‘Best Special Effects.’
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her,
“How do you put an elephant in the fridge?” The teacher said “I don’t know, how?”
Jacob then said “You open the door and put it in there!”
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question “How do you put a girraffe in the fridge?”
The teacher then replied “Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?”
Jacob said “No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there.”
Then he asked another question…”All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal,
which one was it?” The teacher a bit confused and said “The lion?”
Then the student said “No,the girraffe because he’s still in the fridge.
Then he asked her just one more question….”If there is a river full of alligators
and you wanted to get across it,how would you” The teacher then says “You would walk over the bridge.
” Then Jacob says “No, you would swim across because all the alligators are at the lions birthday party!
” She laughs and walks away.
“Men who blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins in paradise. That’s a high price to pay for a shag. In real life you’d be hard pushed to find one virgin. It begs the question: what on earth do they all look like? That’s a lot of hairy women.”
If the koreans cannot do it, they will tell you that they won do it.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing. The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, “We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, “We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, “We have too many in our country.”
I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
“I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame ’cause halfway through he disappears up his own arsehole.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, “If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?”
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, the steaks are too high!”
He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. ‘ I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books.
Donald Trump still hasn’t released his tax returns, 12 women have accused him of sexual assault, and he’s going on trial for fraud for Trump University in November, but now the only thing the media’s talking about is emails.
It’s like if during the O.J. trial everyone was focused on whether or not the Ford Bronco had up-to-date registration.
Q: What are a woman’s four favorite animals?
A: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.