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Posted by hareshperiyasamy on Oct 20, 2016 in Funny jokes, Hilarious jokes | 0 comments

Hilarious jokes

Hilarious jokes

It is tough to make everyone laugh with a single joke that you say if that single joke is no or less fun. You need not worry anymore. Here is the collection of most funny jokes and hilarious jokes that will make everyone laugh out loudly. It is worth reading to make your friends or colleagues laugh. These jokes are a fresh new collection, and you would not have come across these jokes. Laughing is something good for health. It helps you to maintain your physical and mental health as well. It’s nice to laugh at least once in a while. That will be achieved when you give a try to read these jokes. Get ready to laugh until your belly hurts you.

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Hilarious Jokes for Kids

The honest heart and pure thoughts of kids are the important things which make them pretty unique than others. I am sure they are going to enjoy the hilarious jokes posted here.

Hilarious jokes

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.

Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to go to high school.

Q: Where do pencils go for vacation?
A: Pencil-vania.

Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam!

Q: Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
A: Because they might peel!

Q: Which flower talks the most?
A: Tulips, of course, because they have two lips!

Q: A man arrived in a small town on Friday. He stayed for two days and left on Friday. How is this possible?
A: His horse’s name is Friday!

Q: What did the mushroom say to the fungus?
A: You’re a fun guy [fungi].

Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
A: He was a little hoarse.

My five-year-old son is crazy about cars, so I took him to his 
first car show. He loved seeing all 
the different models and brands 
and gushed over the big engines, 
the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse. “Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!”

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Hilarious Jokes for Adults

Hilarious jokes

Q. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
A. They can’t stand fast food.

Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“
Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”

Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?
No, I didn’t know that.
There you go.

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “Give me MY money!”

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

9 out of 10 voices in my head are telling me that I am too fat. The last one is calmly preparing a bowl of chips.

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?” “No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie.”

Jesus can walk on water, correct?
(Yes)
Well, I can walk on cucumbers. As you may know, cucumbers are 98% water. So – I am 98% Jesus.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”

A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“
And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t have a penny anymore.

Teacher: “Kids, what does the fluffy chicken give you?”
Students: “Eggs!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pink pig give you?”
Students: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Students: “Homework!”

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: “Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “
Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

What is the difference between a politician and an actor? An actor gets better scripts with more credible story-lines.

Two planets meet. One moans to the other: “Can you believe it, I’ve got humans!” The other cheers her up: “Don’t worry, it will pass soon.”

When a guy says he likes girls with a sense of humor, he doesn’t mean that he wants a girl to be really witty and funny. He means he wants her to laugh at his jokes.

Driving a sports car and sticking to the speed limit is like going to McDonalds’ and having just the salad.

Hilarious jokes

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Some more Hilarious jokes

Hilarious jokes

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

That awkward moment when your girlfriend says she’s not hungry but ends up eating half of your food when you just order for yourself.

That moment when you check your time on your phone and have to check again 10 seconds later because you weren’t paying attention the first time.

A judge enters the court room and starts the proceedings, saying: „Before this process starts in earnest, there is one thing I have to clear first. The plaintiff gave me $ 10,000 so I would rule in their favor. The defendant gave me $ 12,000 so I would rule in their favor. To make this case a fair one, I’m hereby returning $ 2,000 to the defendant.“

Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

Why do people never eat clocks?
Because it’s really time consuming.

Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?”
“No, how?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”

If you accidentally drop your iPhone in the water, leave it lying on top of a bowl of rice for 24 hrs. The rice attracts Asians who will automatically fix your electronics for you.

What’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

When somebody makes you really angry, count to three. When you get to two, punch them in the face. They won’t be expecting that.

Women go on a diet on three occasions:
– When they break up with a guy;
– When they meet a new guy;
– On Mondays.

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen – but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.
A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.
The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.

Hope you enjoyed the collection of hilarious jokes.

For more hilarious jokes, feel free to comment below.

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