Tag : hilarious-jokes

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Hilarious jokes | Funny & Spicy Jokes For You

Hilarious jokes: It is tough to make everyone laugh with a single joke that you say if that single joke is no or less fun. You need not worry anymore. Here is the collection of most funny jokes and hilarious jokes that will make everyone laugh out loud. It is worth reading to make your friends or colleagues laugh. These jokes are a fresh new collection, and you would not have come across these jokes. Laughing is something good for health. It helps you to maintain your physical and mental health as well. It’s nice to laugh at least once in a while. That will be achieved when you give a try to read these jokes. Get ready to laugh until your belly hurts you.

Hilarious jokesTell Me A Joke is a fun website with full of jokes. You can find Short Jokes, Funny Jokes, Hilarious Jokes, Kids Jokes, Love Jokes, Non-Veg Jokes, One Liner Jokes and Jokes in Other Languages. Tellmeajokes.com is the best place to have fun.

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Hilarious Jokes for Kids

The honest heart and pure thoughts of kids are the important things which make them pretty unique than others. I am sure they are going to enjoy the hilarious jokes posted here.

Hilarious jokes

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.

Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to go to high school.

Q: Where do pencils go for vacation?
A: Pencil-vania.

Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam!

Q: Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
A: Because they might peel!

Q: Which flower talks the most?
A: Tulips, of course, because they have two lips!

Q: A man arrived in a small town on Friday. He stayed for two days and left on Friday. How is this possible?
A: His horse’s name is Friday!

Q: What did the mushroom say to the fungus?
A: You’re a fun guy [fungi].

Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
A: He was a little hoarse.

My five-year-old son is crazy about cars, so I took him to his 
first car show. He loved seeing all 
the different models and brands 
and gushed over the big engines, 
the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse. “Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!”

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Hilarious Jokes for Adults

Hilarious jokes

Q. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
A. They can’t stand fast food.

Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“
Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”

Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?
No, I didn’t know that.
There you go.

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “Give me MY money!”

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye.
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

9 out of 10 voices in my head are telling me that I am too fat. The last one is calmly preparing a bowl of chips.

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?” “No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie.”

Jesus can walk on water, correct?
(Yes)
Well, I can walk on cucumbers. As you may know, cucumbers are 98% water. So – I am 98% Jesus.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”

A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him: „Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“
And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he didn’t have a penny anymore.

Teacher: “Kids, what does the fluffy chicken give you?”
Students: “Eggs!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pink pig give you?”
Students: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Students: “Homework!”

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: “Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “
Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

What is the difference between a politician and an actor? An actor gets better scripts with more credible story-lines.

Two planets meet. One moans to the other: “Can you believe it, I’ve got humans!” The other cheers her up: “Don’t worry, it will pass soon.”

When a guy says he likes girls with a sense of humor, he doesn’t mean that he wants a girl to be really witty and funny. He means he wants her to laugh at his jokes.

Driving a sports car and sticking to the speed limit is like going to McDonalds’ and having just the salad.

Hilarious jokes

See also: Short Jokes

Some more Hilarious jokes

Hilarious jokes

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

That awkward moment when your girlfriend says she’s not hungry but ends up eating half of your food when you just order for yourself.

That moment when you check your time on your phone and have to check again 10 seconds later because you weren’t paying attention the first time.

A judge enters the court room and starts the proceedings, saying: „Before this process starts in earnest, there is one thing I have to clear first. The plaintiff gave me $ 10,000 so I would rule in their favor. The defendant gave me $ 12,000 so I would rule in their favor. To make this case a fair one, I’m hereby returning $ 2,000 to the defendant.“

Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

Why do people never eat clocks?
Because it’s really time consuming.

Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?”
“No, how?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”

If you accidentally drop your iPhone in the water, leave it lying on top of a bowl of rice for 24 hrs. The rice attracts Asians who will automatically fix your electronics for you.

What’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

When somebody makes you really angry, count to three. When you get to two, punch them in the face. They won’t be expecting that.

Women go on a diet on three occasions:
– When they break up with a guy;
– When they meet a new guy;
– On Mondays.

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen – but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.
A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.
The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.

Hope you enjoyed the collection of hilarious jokes.

For more Hilarious Jokes, feel free to comment below.

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Hilarious Joke of the Day | Short and Funny

Hilarious Joke of the Day is nothing but the extremely funny and causing a lot of laughter. It describes a high degree of humor and things that are funny can cause you to smile, but when something is hilarious and causes you to laugh out loud. Hilarious jokes can also be used arrogantly when something isn’t funny at all. So, here is the Hilarious Joke of the Day to make you laugh out loud.

Hilarious Joke of the Day

Hilarious Joke of the Day

Tell Me A Joke is a fun website with full of jokes. You can find Short Jokes, Funny Jokes, Hilarious Jokes, Kids Jokes, Love Jokes, Non-Veg Jokes, One Liner Jokes and Jokes in Other Languages. Tellmeajokes.com is the best place to have fun.

Laugh Out Loud

Hilarious Joke of the Day

Hilarious Joke of the Day

A boy met a girl, after a little conversation,the boy
wanted to leave,then he said to the girl
Boy: Sorry, I didn’t get your name.
Girl: OK. I’m Dike Sandra Thelma Vera, u can call me (DSTV) in short if you like, and you?
Boy: (I no fit carry )well, I’m Godwin Obinna Tochukwu Victor, feel free to call me(GOTV).
# Lolzzz … If it was u, what funny fake name will you give?… Mine will be Lawrince Francis Chinonso (LFC). Hw ur day?Add urs…

A church puts out a wanted ad for somebody to ring their bell each day. A man with no arms replies to the want ad. The priest asks him “How can you ring a bell with no arms?”
The man runs into the bell face first and the bell rings loud and beautifully. The priest gives him the job. One day he misses the bell though and falls to his death. The priest and several other people come to the man’s side and one of them says “Who is he?”
The priest replies “I don’t know. But his face sure rings a bell.”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of them stops mid-swing when he sees a long funeral procession on the road by the course. He takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I’ve ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is Asian, one is Mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The Asian walks to the ledge and says, “This is for all my people” and jumps off the roof. Next, the Mexican walks to the ledge and also says, “This is for all my people” and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy’s turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, “This is for all my people” and then throws the white guy off the roof.

A guy tells his friend:
– During the Christmas I have left a gift for my girlfriend underneath the Chrsitmas-tree
– And… how did she liked it?
– Don’t know yet. She’s still looking for it as the forest is big, there are many Christmas-trees there…

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

When my wife said she was leaving me because of my Monkees obsession I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.

Do not to judge those who drink alone with themselves. Maybe it is an entrepreneur, working with individual performance certificate, at his company Christmas party.

My friend’s mom used to teach 8th Grade English in the local public school system. One day a student cussed her out, so she called his mom. The mom didn’t do anything about it so the kid did it again a few days later.The mom was called again and still she couldn’t care less. A few days later the boy cussed her out again, but this time the teacher called his grandmother.She immediately came to the school, dragged him by the hair to the bathroom, washed his mouth out with soap, and beat his behind. Grandma then said if he does it again then she should call her. That boy never said another swear word in that teacher’s presence again.

Two nuns were driving through a Transylvanian forest when the road was blocked by a fearsome looking vampire.
“What do we do now?” the passenger asked.
“Get out and show him your Cross,” said the nun in the driving seat.
So the nun in the passenger stepped out onto the road, wagged her finger and exclaimed: “Get out of our way, you stupid vampire.”

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Hilarious Joke of the Day

An ice cream seller was today found on the floor of his van covered in hundreds and thousands. Police said he topped himself.

Hilarious Joke of the Day

Hilarious Joke of the Day

A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priests says, “It begins at conception”. The minister says, “Life begins at 24 weeks gestation”. The rabbi says, “You are both wrong, Life begins when the kids move out of the house and the dog dies.”

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

A dad joke is a painfully awful joke, that is so bad it’s actually embarrassing. These jokes were popularised by fathers, who in an attempt to be funny, failed miserably. Common in speeches, particularly of the 18th and 21st birthday variety.

The wife says “ Honey, please don’t try to speak, you are weak, what are you trying to say even? Is it that you love me? If it’s that important write it down.”

I feel like that was a such a subtle burn that I had to read it a few times to see how you meant it.

Knock Knock.

Who’s There?

To.

To Who?

It’s To Whom.

Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”

In a marriage ceremony:
– Do you agree to take this woman as your wife?
– No
– What about this one then?

A classic Tommy Cooper gag ”I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays”, was fifth.

Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my bum.

I’ve got some cream for that.

I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it’s also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there’s a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It’s like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

Sean: Knock, knock.
Fawn: Who’s there?
Sean: Murray.
Fawn: Murray who?
Sean: Murray Christmas, one and all!

Two cows are sitting in a field, and one says to the other, “so, how about that mad cow disease? Scary stuff, right?” To which to other replies, “terrifying. But what do I care? I’m a helicopter.”

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
A: Because they might peel!

A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, “What do you do to get your tomatoes red?” He replies, “Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.” The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, “How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?” “No,” she replies, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”

When I was a child, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out the police call this “identity theft.”

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Hope you enjoyed the Hilarious Joke of the Day posted here.

For any doubts, feel free to comment below.