Tag : i-need-a-funny-joke

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I need a Funny Joke – Funniest Jokes

Funny Joke is nothing but the arousing or provoking the laughter. It is an enjoyable distraction from any serious task and diverting the mind or contributing an extra dimension to it. Funny Jokes may be a short term experience which often incredible and aimless. So, here is the jokes under “I need a Funny Joke” to laugh out more.

I need a Funny Joke

I need a Funny Joke

Tell Me A Joke is a fun website with full of jokes. You can find Short Jokes, Funny Jokes, Hilarious Jokes, Kids Jokes, Love Jokes, Non-Veg Jokes, One Liner Jokes and Jokes in Other Languages. Tellmeajokes.com is the best place to have fun.

Funny Jokes

I need a Funny Joke

I need a Funny Joke

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, “We have reached your destination”. The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said “Thank you”. The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked “What was that for?”. The 3rd guy replied, “Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!”

Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, “We are family, even though you’re fatter than me.”

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.”
“Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.”
“And smart, too!”

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

‘My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?’ “I don’t know! If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone!” ‘

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.” “I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”

What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting less responsibility, decided a career change was in order. After some serious thought, he decided that being an engine mechanic, something he had once enjoyed prior to college, would be a good choice. However, it had been a long time since he had tinkered with an engine and he knew that in order to compete with the younger workforce, he would have to go to school.

He enrolled in a technical institute that specialized in teaching auto mechanics. He aced the course, but the final exam required each student to completely strip and reassemble an engine. It was with some trepidation that he took the test. At completion, he turned the engine over to his instructors for evaluation and awaited his final grade.

Wife: If I would have been married to a Monster, I would have been felt much better than with you… Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!!

When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received. Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade like this. “It is really quite simple,” they said. “We gave you 50% for correctly disassembling the engine, 50% for correctly reassembling it, and an additional 50% for doing it all through the muffler.”

Q: Did you hear about that new broom?

A: It’s sweeping the nation!

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I need a Funny Joke

I need a Funny Joke

I need a Funny Joke

Q: Why did the blonde keep doing the backstroke?
A: She just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.

It is only in Nigeria where you’ll see a notice board that says, “Job Vacancy: Man wanted with 40 years experience of work. He must be less than 25 years of age.”

A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?”

The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, “Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh.” The next whale says, “Shut up, Steve. You’re drunk.”

My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking which end!

Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’ I asked.  ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.

There is a blonde, brunette, and a red head running away from a bad guy and they decide to hide in a barn. They all quickly find hiding spots. The red head hides behind a cow, the brunette hides behind a horse, and the blonde hides behind a sack of potatoes.
The bad guy comes in and when he passes the cow the red head says “Moo!”. When he passes the horse the brunette says “Nay!” Finally he comes to the potatoes and the blonde says “PO-TA-TOE!”

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.”

“I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.”

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean…!

Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.

A wife asks her programmer husband to go to the store.

She asks him, “Can you go down to the grocery store, and get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.”

Later on he returns home and she looks at his purchases and says, “Why in the world did you buy 6 gallons of milk?”

He responded, “They had eggs.”

Let’s get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.

After many years, a prisoner is finally released.
He runs around yelling, “I’m free! I’m free!”
A little kid walks up to him and says, “So what? I’m 4.”

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.

On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone – “Get me a coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”

“No,” replied the trainee.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”

The trainee shouts back, “And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!”
“No.” replied the CEO indignantly.

“Good!” replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

A snake kid asks his mom, “Mom, are we poisonous?” His mother says, “Why do you want to know?” The snake kid says, “because I just bit my tongue.”

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.” The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

“I called the wrong number today. I said ‘Hello, is Joey there?’ A woman answered and she said ‘Yes he is.’ And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’ She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.’ I said ‘Alright, I’ll wait.'”

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