Tell me a joke aunt

Tell me a joke aunt will take you through a collection of funny and hilarious jokes that you would appreciate the sense of humour here. It is important for any human being to spend some time laughing at things around them. So we have come up with this collection to make you roll on the floor and laugh so that you could spend some quality time over here. Let’s get into Tell me a joke aunt.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don’t have a regime.

-Jon Stewart

Tell me a joke aunt

Can you tell me a joke aunt?

Two blondes were walking down the sidewalk. The first blonde said, “Hey, look at that dog with one eye,” so the second blonde covered up one eye.

Brunette: Do you like your new iPad?
Blonde: No, I can’t use it.
Brunette: Why not?
Blonde: I couldn’t find the buttons.

Q: How are blondes and beer bottles the same?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up!

Q: How do you turn white chocolate into dark chocolate?
A: Turn off the light.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, “Twist to open.”

Q: What’s a race car’s favorite thing to eat for lunch?
A: Fast food!

Q: What’s a frog’s favorite drink?
A: Croak-a cola.

Lady: “Is this my train?”
Station Master: “No, it belongs to the railway company.”
Lady: “Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New York.”
Station Master: “No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.”

Q: Why didn’t the man die when he drank poison?
A: Because he was in the living room.

Tell me a joke

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Tell me a joke aunt of your kind

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn’t swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, “Do you need help, sir?” The preacher calmly said “No, God will save me.” A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, “Hey, do you need help?” The preacher replied again, “No God will save me.” Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. He asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” God replied, “Fool, I sent you two boats!”

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, “Where is God?” The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, “Where is God?” The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, “What’s wrong?” The crying boy replied, “We’re in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!”

Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks, “Are you two sisters?” They chuckle and reply, ” No, we aren’t even Catholic.”

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican says, “Yes, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Girl: “Girls are better than boys.”
Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?”
Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.”

A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

Tell me a joke aunt of my kind

Q: How come oysters never donate to charity?
A: Because they are shellfish.

A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him, “Sorry about your weight.”

Dad: How will you separate a mixture of sand and sugar?
Son: Simple, I will give the mixture to the ants. they will take the sugar and leave the sand.

Girl: Professor, Do you remember me? You asked me to marry you some years ago!
Professor: Yes I remember but did you?

Wife to her husband:
“I told you I’ll be back in five minutes, so why you are calling me every half an hour?”

Can’t believe how desperate my maths teacher is, he keeps asking me to find his x. I think it’s time he faced the truth, she’s not coming back.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.

Husband: Honey, can you smell that?
Wife: No.
Husband: Exactly I can’t either so get in the kitchen and start cooking.

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